What if I told you that as a small child, when you were vulnerable and entirely dependent on others for survival, you instinctively developed conclusions about how life was going to be? You created these conclusions from the way you perceived the world around you. And those early perceptions became ingrained as a “script” in your unconscious mind, quietly influencing your experience of life ever since.

Now, I’m not saying this idea is the only truth or even the right one. It’s simply a useful way to consider our experiences and understand why we behave the way we do.

Transactional Analysis (TA) is a straightforward and accessible framework created by psychiatrist Eric Berne, which provides us with tools to make sense of our interactions and relationships with others, as well as the relationship we have with ourselves. The theory behind TA helps us uncover what’s happening beneath the surface, revealing how unconscious patterns may be guiding our thoughts, emotions, and actions.

Our Life Script forms through a combination of our early environment, how we interpret our experiences, and our natural inclination to accept the messages we receive from our parents. These factors come together to form our conclusions about who we are, how the world works, and how our life will unfold. Importantly, this script is not something forced upon us. We actively, albeit unconsciously, participate in creating it. Even siblings raised in the same environment can have entirely different life scripts.

During childhood, we absorb messages from our parents, sometimes through direct words and other times through nonverbal cues or even a general sense of approval or disapproval. These messages shape our core beliefs and rules about how to survive and thrive. Some of these messages are encouraging, giving us permission to be ourselves, while others are restrictive and feel more like prohibitions.

We learn concepts such as the need to try hard, please people, be strong, be perfect, or hurry up. But there are also deeper messages that we may have absorbed long before we understood language. These unspoken rules could be as expansive as allowing oneself to feel or succeed, or as constraining as denying one’s own needs or worth.

For example, a child might internalize ideas like, “If I express my emotions, I will be abandoned,” or, “If I achieve success, I will no longer be loved.” These thoughts settle in our minds and become guiding principles, influencing how we navigate life’s challenges and relationships. And over time, they start to feel like unquestionable truths.The problem with these deeply rooted beliefs is that they act as filters. They only allow us to recognize information that supports the story of our Life Script. In this way, the script becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If the script is positive and empowering, it can be a blessing. But if it’s negative and limiting, it can become a curse.

TA theory categorizes these scripts broadly into three categories: Winner, Loser, and Banal (or Non-Winning). A Winner is someone who accomplishes their declared purpose and finds happiness in doing so, whether that purpose is achieving wealth or finding fulfillment in a modest life. A Loser, on the other hand, fails to achieve their purpose or achieves it but remains miserable and unfulfilled. The Banal category describes those who avoid both winning and losing by playing it safe and never truly challenging their own limiting beliefs.

It’s worth noting that these categories are generalizations. The purpose of TA is not to label people but to offer a simplified model to understand complex human behavior. It helps us identify the narratives we’ve unconsciously written and lived by, giving us a framework to question them and even rewrite them. Whether the Life Script is positive or negative, its purpose is to create a sense of safety and predictability. It offers familiarity and helps us feel that the world makes sense. But the problem lies in the fact that this script was often written from the perspective of a vulnerable child who was dependent on parental approval for survival.

As adults, our vulnerability is different. We may still be hurt emotionally or physically, but we are no longer dependent on our parents for our basic needs. We now have agency, choices, and a greater sense of control over our own lives. And yet, many of us continue to live by the outdated scripts created by our younger selves.The good news is that our Life Script is not set in stone. We only remain stuck when we keep these scripts unconscious. The first and most crucial step is to bring awareness to them, to question them from the perspective of our fully grown, adult selves. By examining where these scripts are flawed or limiting, we can start replacing them with something more helpful, realistic, and empowering.

Of course, this process is easier said than done. Uncovering and rewriting our Life Scripts often requires time, patience, and guidance. There are good reasons why this process can feel daunting. Our Life Script has been the framework through which we’ve made sense of life for as long as we can remember. To challenge it feels like stepping into unfamiliar territory, which can be deeply unsettling.Moreover, questioning our Life Script means acknowledging the possibility that our parents may have been wrong or that the narrative we’ve held so tightly may not be true. It can feel like an existential threat to even consider such ideas. And yet, this very process of questioning is what leads to growth and transformation.

The principle behind Transactional Analysis is that people can change. We are not forever bound by old, outdated perspectives. Change begins with awareness and continues with the conscious choice to do something differently, even when it feels uncomfortable. This is the work of the Adult Ego State, the part of us that sees clearly, makes rational decisions, and applies compassion to our own experiences.Awareness alone is not enough. As Tara Brach beautifully explains, “The two parts of genuine acceptance — seeing clearly and holding our experience with compassion — are as interdependent as the two wings of a great bird. Together, they enable us to fly and be free.”The real change comes when we choose to become the author of our own story once again. From the perspective of the Adult Ego State, we can re-author our life script with greater awareness, kindness, and purpose. And that is where genuine freedom begins.